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Triumph Over Disease by Fasting And Natural Diet – Chapter 6

Chapter 6 — Breaking the Fast

I was to remain at the Manor four weeks more to learn how to eat all over again, just as new foods are carefully introduced into the digestive system of a newborn infant until he or she can eat whole foods. For this reason, I'll stay with my diary a while to give you an idea of just such a step-by-step progression.

Friday, October 16, 1964-1st eating day: I know I slept well, because the sun got up long before I did and caressed my face through the window, hinting that I should awaken. The thick, pasty coating on my tongue is almost gone and my tongue is becoming a normal pink color. But the most surprising occurrence is the disappearance of the foul breath and rotten taste, this taste now ranging from neutral to actually fresh and sweet. I have a tremendous desire to eat. It isn't long before Dr. Gross comes scurrying into my room to personally deliver a small bowl of clear vegetable bind to also feed me the first spoonful because he feels so proud of my accomplishment. This time I enjoy it, allowing the taste to linger a while. That one tablespoonful is a seven-course banquet all rolled into one. The taste is fantastic. (This is the way it is after a fast, whether soup, orange juice carrot and celery juice, or whatever is used to break the fast. The body is so clean and the taste so unperverted, that the simplest of foods provides a flavor which is indescribable to one who has not fasted. At the time I don't think anything equals it.) I sip the soup very slowly, fighting the temptation to gulp it all down at once. Lunch is another small bowl of the clear vegetable broth. Mid afternoon I receive four ounces of fresh carrot and celery juice, which I take slowly. Supper is a small bowl of a mixed vegetable soup with some of the vegetables pureed. Later in the evening, about four ounces of fresh carrot and celery juice. A very comfortable day, not only physically but psychologically as well, now that I'm eating. The thrill and enjoyment of eating cannot be expressed in words. Slept a little better.

Saturday, October 17, 1964-2nd eating day: Wake up feeling alive and vital for the first time. My tongue is completely pink and smooth. Weight 110¾ pounds; a gain of 2¾ pounds after one day of eating. Blood pressure 86/60. Very hungry. Breakfast: pureed zucchini squash soup. Lunch: two very ripe bananas, mashed. Mid-afternoon snack: cup of pureed tomato-vegetable soup. Supper: four ounces of carrot and celery juice and a mashed banana. (All foods eaten, with the exception of a dry, no-salt, no-chemicals-added cottage cheese, are fresh natural foods grown from the ground, unadulterated, unprocessed, and unchemicalized. Nothing is canned or bottled. This includes all fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds. The nuts and seeds-pumpkin or sunflower-are unsalted and unroasted. The diet is vegetarian and no meat is ever used. I'll explain all this in a subsequent chapter.) The way my fast is being broken is not necessarily the way someone else might have their fast broken, because each person is an individual and has different needs and idiosyncrasies. Many fasts are broken on such things as orange juice, carrot and celery juice, and various vegetable juices. My situation is rather unique in that I have been forbidden by my past doctors to eat anything with roughage. It has been over six years since I've had any of this type of food. The purpose of this fast is to allow healing so this type of food may be eaten and handled by the body. Had five B.M.s of varying looseness between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m.

Sunday, October 18, 1964-3rd eating day: Wake up hungry and feeling strong and alert. Able to arise from any position without light-headedness. Weight 112½ pounds; a gain of 1¾ pounds from yesterday and a total gain of 4½ pounds and Blood pressure 90/60. It is a delight to awaken with a relish for food and to look forward to the rest of the day. Breakfast: two baked apples. A semi-formed B.M. after breakfast. Lunch: pureed tomato-vegetable soup, small cup of dry cottage cheese. (Nuts-ground at this stage-would be preferable, but because of the severe damage to my large intestine, Dr. Gross was being very conservative at the beginning. Eventually, miracle of miracles, I shall be able to properly digest nuts as a source of concentrated protein.) A semi-loose B.M. after lunch. Feel marvelous today. Able to take a longer walk. Tremendous feeling of energy and well-being. Not bothered by gas in stomach or intestines all day. This is the first time in the six years of medical treatment I am "gas-free." Supper: blended, steamed acorn squash and a baked potato. A B.M. after supper and again at 10:00 p.m. (The cycle of peristalsis -intestinal motility-is still very much stimulated by the intake of food. This gradually lessens, although in my case it will take several years; but I'm patient. After all, what else have I to do but regain health? Nothing else matters without it.) Sleep was at intervals, but improved.

Tuesday, October 20, 1964-5th eating day: Weight 115¾ pounds; a gain of 1¾ pounds _from yesterday and a total gain o 7¾ pounds after four days of eating. Breakfast: four baked apples and a mashed banana. Lunch: pureed steamed peas and two baked potatoes. Supper: pureed steamed asparagus, pureed steamed carrots, and two baked sweet potatoes (yams). Some indigestion present all evening. Six B.M.s today, with some mass to them, usually following after each meal. Spent most of the day resting in bed. I take occasional walks, but enjoy most talking with the people here. They are from all walks of life, religions, and races. We all have one thing in common and that is we are all sick in one degree or another and are trying to regain our most precious possession-health. Of course there are many people who have good health who come here periodically to fast, rest, re-charge their batteries, so to speak, and maintain their health. But even with all this camaraderie, I wish more than ever to be home. I've spent most of the last few weeks resting in bed. I've watched summer pass, the leaves change into glorious splashes of color and then say goodbye to their summer home in the trees as they, flutter to the ground. Autumn is in the air and the days are mild, but the mornings and evenings are crisp. I love to take walks now that the leaves are fallen. I love the sound of brittle leaves crunching deliciously beneath my feet, although it makes me more homesick as I'm reminded of the long walks Corinne and I take in autumn. Sleep is sporadic, but deepest in the early morning hours.

Wednesday, October 21, 1964-6th eating day: Weight 117¾ pounds; a gain of 2 pounds-from-yesterday and a total gain of 9¾ pounds after five days of eating. Blood pressure 96/60. Breakfast: four baked apples and four mashed bananas. Lunch: pureed vegetable stew, pureed steamed green beans, and two baked potatoes. Supper: pureed mixed vegetables and two baked potatoes. Three B.M.s today with more mass and less looseness. Wonderful day. I continue to feel vital, alive, and gaining in strength. I anticipate and relish each meal and each morsel of food with a zest I have never known before. It is a sensation I wish never to abandon or to have abandon me. Slept fairly. Up only once for trip to the "john," whereas in the past years I would wake at least five or six times a night to heed the urge. In fact, ulcerative colitis victims are usually annoyed most during the night, because the cramping and spasms constantly cause them to waken. But in the morning as soon as they are awake, the slightest movement, because the colon is like a straight tube, causes repeated and hectic journeys to the bathroom until there is nothing left to evacuate. This just adds to the already depressing, enervating, and sometimes disgusting state of "existence" in which we seem to be hopelessly suspended.

Thursday, October 22, 1964-7th eating day: Weight 121-1/4 pounds; a gain of 3½ pounds from yesterday and a total gain of 13-1/4 pounds after six days of eating. Breakfast: eight baked apples and five bananas. (This is the most I have eaten for breakfast at Pawling. This is actually too much food, particularly for one who doesn't need excessive stimulation of the intestinal tract, but in my case the appetite became ravenous and had to be satisfied or I'd have become very nervous and tense. This only lasted about two weeks and then tapered off to a point where I needed only surprisingly small amounts of food to satisfy the body's requirements. This ravenous appetite has occurred on all my subsequent fasts because, as you can see by the rapid weight gains, I'm a fast rebounder and am able to utilize all my food. During the years of active ulcerative colitis, I had a malabsorption problem, as most of those afflicted do, and whatever I ate would pass hurriedly through me and out again, many times unchanged and looking the same as it did when I put it in my mouth. So what happens over the years? Even though we colitis victims eat, we suffer from malnutrition because we don't digest and assimilate (absorb and utilize) the food. There were times when I ate so much at the Manor that Dr. Gross actually ran out of food and had to dash to the market immediately so the other people could eat.) Lunch: extra large bowl of pureed steamed celery and three baked potatoes. Supper: large bowl of pureed steamed green beans, large bowl of pureed zucchini squash, and two baked potatoes. Five, you should pardon the description, semi-formed and mushy B.M.s today. A very comfortable and enjoyable day.

Friday, October 23, 1964-8th eating day: Weight 122¾ pounds; a gain of 1½ from yesterday and a total gain of 14¾ pounds after one week of eating. Blood pressure 90/60. Breakfast: two baked apples and, would you believe it, six bananas. Lunch: bowl of pureed steamed celery and two bowls of mashed baked potatoes and mashed steamed carrots (about five carrots and three potatoes). Supper: large bowl of pureed steamed peas, a whole avocado, and a small bowl of pureed brown rice. Comfortable day. Six "mix and match" B.M.s today. The "skeleton" appearance is gone and my face is pretty well filled in. It's a pleasure to peek in the mirror now and see that handsome devil returning.

Sunday, October 25, 1964-10th eating day: Weight 124¾ pounds; a gain of 1/z pound from yesterday and a total gain of 16¾ pounds after nine days of eating. Blood pressure 100/70. Breakfast: four baked apples followed a little later by a bowl of dry cottage cheese. Lunch: pureed steamed cauliflower, pureed steamed celery and carrots, and three baked potatoes. Supper: pureed steamed celery, pureed steamed butternut squash, and two baked potatoes. Exercised lightly in the gym. I plan to do this on alternate days. I take walks to my tolerance and at no time do I tax myself. Most of the time is still spent resting in bed. Four semi-loose B.M.s today. What a blessing compared to the 20 to 30 B.M.s a day in the latter stages of the illness, even while under medical care and being dosed and poisoned with so many drugs.

Tuesday, October 27, 1964-12th eating day: Weight 125-'/z pounds; a gain of ½ pound from yesterday and a total gain of 17½ pounds after 11 days of eating. Blood pressure 110/66. Breakfast: seven baked apples followed by a little later by a bowl of dry cottage cheese. Lunch: pureed steamed cauliflower, pureed mixed vegetables, pureed steamed peas, and two baked potatoes. Supper: my first attempt at a meal with no purees, except for the raw salad. Pureed, raw, mixed vegetable salad (romaine lettuce, carrots, cucumber, celery, green pepper, and tomato), steamed peas, steamed carrots and celery, and two steamed potatoes. Ten B.M.s during the day and several during the night. (Despite these many B.M.s, I am absorbing nutrition from the food and putting on healthy weight.)

Thursday, October 29, 1964-14th eating day: History was made this morning! I had my first formed B.M. in six years. This may sound strange to those who have never had ulcerative colitis, but I laughed and cried at the same time. I could not believe it. I think I was as proud as the father of a newborn infant. I called Dr. Gross and gave him the news. I also announced the event to some of my friends at the Manor and then I called home and told my wife. In fact, I was so elated that if I had a camera, I probably would have taken a photograph of "it" for posterity. (The importance of this was the fact that I was getting better, evolving health. True, this was not going to be a regular occurrence in these early years, but it was an indication of things to come-and they surely did.) Weight 126½ pounds; a gain of lh pound from yesterday and a total gain of 18-1h pounds after 13 days of eating. Breakfast: six baked apples and three whole bananas. Lunch: vegetable soup (zucchini squash, tomato, celery, carrots, corn, green beans, and peas), steamed carrots and artichokes, bowl of natural (whole grain or brown) rice. Supper: pureed raw vegetable salad, steamed beets with the tops (the tops are very rich in amino acids, the protein building blocks), three steamed potatoes. So far, I seem to be tolerating the change toward increased roughage. I have not noticed any digestive disturbance or bowel irritation, except an occasional but decreasing incidence of indigestion since the introduction of the pureed raw salads. Eight semi- formed B.M.s, the greatest frequency occurring at night. For the next few days the routine was similar, the ultimate goal being a basically raw vegetarian diet-live foods; a diet my past doctors, particularly Dr. Kale, said I would never be able to eat. These days have been very comfortable and I feel wonderfully alive, much stronger, and have an anticipation and relish for simple plain vegetarian fare. I feel little or no discomfort or spasms, which is the first time in the six years of this disease, regardless of past hospitalizations, drugs, treatments, etc. I notice very little need for water now. Sometimes go several days without it. This is due to the abundance of water contained in the raw fruits and vegetables. In fact. the less cooked -food, the avoidance of condiments, and overeating, then the less is the actual thirst for water. Of course vigorous physical exertion will increase the body's need for water.

Sunday, November 1, 1964-17th eating day: Today started out uneventfully, but it was to be a special day for me-a milestone. I was to have my first raw, whole vegetable salad in six years. It was to be at supper. I remember Dr. Kale forbidding me to eat roughage because of the potential devastating effects to a damaged, debilitated colon. I was frightened. I didn't know how much healing had taken place or if I could tolerate this roughage without 'serious consequences. However, the body does have extraordinary healing power when it is given the proper circumstances, which it had been given here at the Manor. Nevertheless, I spent most of the day anticipating eating that salad at supper. By the time supper was ready, I was running a fever of 100° and trembling because of the built-up anxiety. Dr. Gross personally brought in the salad and said he was honored to serve it to me because whatever had been accomplished this far, I had earned. The salad was in a small bowl and consisted of romaine lettuce, celery, cucumber, and shredded carrots. Dr. Gross instructed me to "take an hour to eat it." This was to be the first step in a more natural, raw diet. I did take an hour to eat that salad and then I sat back and waited for something to happen. To my surprise there was no explosion, no violent reaction. In fact, I felt comfortable. There was some indigestion during the night, but I had not eaten raw food in six years. (This indigestion occurred for the next couple of days and then subsided and did not recur.)

Thursday, November 5, 1964-21st eating day: Weight 131½ pounds; a gain of 2¾ pounds from yesterday and a total gain of 23½ pounds a to0 days of eating. Blood pressure 110/66. Took a short, early morning jog and felt marvelous. I've been waking up at 6:00 a.m. feeling refreshed, rested, and raring to go. I feel alive and vital. Breakfast: four oranges and about four ounces of raw peanuts ground to a nut butter. Lunch: a half of a honeydew melon, two pears, three bananas, and a few dates. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed asparagus, and eggplant parmigiana stew. I notice an increased endurance in my reading ability-speed, concentration, etc. Visual and auditory acuity increased.

Friday, November 6, 1964-22nd eating day: Weight 134½ pounds; a gain of 3 pounds from yesterday and a total gain of 26-1/4 pounds after three weeks of eating. I'm anxious to go home. I'm ready to get back into the normal routine of life-to work, to play, to be with Corinne and my children, and to live again. Dr. Gross estimates a few more days here, just to see how I'll be handling the diet change toward the increased roughage. Breakfast: one whole grapefruit, two oranges, and four ounces of filbert nuts ground fine. Lunch: a half of a honeydew melon, one persimmon, grapes, and two bananas. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed broccoli, and a bowl of whole grain rice. I have not had any desire to eat meat, nor have I had a desire for alcohol, tea, coffee, chocolate, tobacco, white bread, salt, white sugar and its products, processed and denatured foods, or anything else that breeds ill health. These things have, fortunately, been eliminated from my life, just as have all the drugs that were poisoning my system for so long.

Saturday, November 7, 1964-23rd eating day: Weight 134¾ ; a gain of ½ pound from yesterday and a total gain of 26¾ pounds after 22 days of eating. Blood pressure 110/70. Breakfast: three oranges and four ounces ground, raw peanuts. Lunch: a quarter of a watermelon, grapes, apple, and strawberries. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed peas, and two baked potatoes. During the past week or so, Dr. Gross has been taking me along for the ride on some of his daily errands. I've enjoyed getting out and seeing the beautiful countryside with the Hudson River ever in the -distance. I look forward to these outings. We visited various historic places, but today was special. We visited the Roosevelt estate about nine miles toward the southern end of Hyde Park. I was even so bold as to pick a small bag of apples from the orchard.

Sunday, November 8, 1964-24th eating day: Weight 135 pounds; a gain of 1/4 pound from yesterday and a total gain of 27 pounds after 23 days of eating. Breakfast: two grapefruits, three oranges, and four ounces of ground almonds (still quite a volume of food, but it soon begins to taper off). Lunch: grapes, two apples, one banana, and one avocado. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed celery and peas, and one acorn squash. (I know the subject of B.M.s has been brought up throughout the book and it is hardly an exciting topic, but it is important since it bears a relationship to the return of normal function and healing of the large intestine, which medical opinion said could not regenerate. So periodically, if you will, I'll give you progress reports on this part of my life.) Bowel activity varies at this point from one or two to six or eight per 24 hour day and ranges from some looseness to semi-formed and formed. Another interesting occurrence is the fact that celery, corn, etc., does not show up in the stools as undigested. When I had the active ulcerative colitis, many pieces of roughage foods would appear. This also occurs in socalled healthy individuals I've questioned. This only proves that not only has healing taken place, but function and strength in the intestinal tract has developed through the body's own ability.

Monday, November 9, 1964-25th eating day: Weight 135-1/4 pounds; a gain of 1/4 pound from yesterday and a total gain of 27½ pounds after 24 days of eating. Dr. Gross informed me this morning that I can plan on going home in a few days. I waste no time in making a decision to leave on Friday the 13th, just four days from today. I know the days will not pass fast enough now. Breakfast: one grapefruit, two oranges, and four ounces ground, raw cashews. Lunch: a chunk of watermelon, slice of cantaloupe, two apples, four peaches, and several dates. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed zucchini squash, and two steamed potatoes. I notice the stools are not as foul as they were when I was so ill and when I ate meat. In fact, foul stools are characteristic of meat eaters because of the meat's putrefaction in the intestinal tract; while in vegetarians-particularly those who eat a predominantly raw diet-the stools are virtually odorless for the most part, indicating no toxic elements in the colon. (I beg your indulgence for this additional bit on bowels.)

Tuesday, November 10, 1964-26th eating day: Weight 136-1/4 pounds; a gain of 1 pound from yesterday and a total gain of 28-1/4 pounds after 25 days of eating. Worked out a bit more vigorously in the gym this morning, followed by 30 minutes of cross-country jogging. (I was a cross-country runner in college and it was an exhilarating sensation to be able to get back in the groove.) Breakfast: three oranges and four ounces of ground cashews. Lunch: half a cantaloupe, one plum, blueberries, and dates. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, vegetable stew, and a bowl of whole grain rice. I thought of the many friends I had made in the two and one-half months I've been here and of some of the dramatic recoveries I witnessed. I am awed by the inherent and miraculous ability of the body to heal itself when it is left alone.

Wednesday, November 11, 1964-27th eating day: Weight 136½ pounds; a gain of ½ pound from yesterday and a total gain of 28½ pounds after 26 days of eating. Blood pressure 110/74. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. full of energy. It's still a novelty to me to be able to wake up in the morning and actually look forward to each day and to life rather than to dread each day, to suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally and to wish for death Took a light two-mile cross-country jog this morning. Breakfast: one grapefruit, two oranges and three to four ounces of whole peanuts. (From here on, the nuts and sunflower seeds, etc., are no longer ground. The teeth will do the work. The building up to these whole foods has been very gradual, but it was necessary to accustom the rejuvenated intestinal tract to the foods it was meant to handle. There are times when at home we make our own peanut butter because my boys love it and it's so superior to the store-bought, roasted-out, and adulterated mess. Once you eat homemade raw peanut butter, you just can't go back to the commercial stuff.) Lunch: large raw vegetable salad, steamed yellow summer squash, and two steamed potatoes. Supper: vegetable soup, large raw vegetable salad, steamed green beans, and a bowl of whole grain rice. Slept much better.

Thursday, November 12, 1964-28th eating day: Weight 137 pounds; a gain of ½ pound from yesterday and a total gain of 29 pounds after 27 days of eating. Blood pressure 112/74. Breakfast: two whole grapefruit and about four ounces of filbert nuts. Lunch: strawberries, grapes, apple, and a whole avocado. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, bowl of steamed peas, asparagus, green beans, and a buckwheat groats (kasha) casserole. I get a little nervous when I think of leaving tomorrow. I've been here two and one-half months now and it's as if I've always lived here. (Over the ensuing years, Pawling Manor does become a home away from home.) I spent part of the day thinking back, all the way back, to the year 1958 when I first became ill. I relived that six-year nightmare under medical care, the transition period when Natural Hygiene was presented to me, and then the entire magnificent experience here-the six-week fast, the careful and methodical breaking of the fast, with the eventual attainment of the goal to be able to eat a basically raw vegetarian diet after the body had healed itself-something my doctors said was impossible. It's so difficult to believe what I've been through and that this first phase of my rebirth (?) has passed. (One thing I've learned over these past 12 years is that whether it is good, bad or indifferent, "everything comes to pass.") Not much sleep. Too many thoughts of home, my wife, children, my practice, and a myriad of other important and even nonsensical items.

Friday, November 13, 1964-29th eating day: Weight 137½ pounds a gain of ½ pound from yesterday and a total gain of 29½ pounds after four weeks of eating. Blood pressure 112/74. Breakfast: two oranges and about four ounces of whole almonds. Lunch: romaine lettuce and celery, one pear, one apple, a dish of dates, and figs. Supper: large raw vegetable salad, steamed butternut squash, and a special treat since I would be leaving this evening; Mrs. Gross (Joy) made what was to be one of my favorite fancy vegetarian dishes in the future-eggplant parmigiana (broiled eggplant, mushrooms, onions, green pepper, tomatoes, etc., topped with mozzarella cheese).

This was a very emotional day for me. This was the day for which I had been planning and waiting, yet as much as I wanted to go home I had a desire to remain here. I must assume it was the security and dependency of being here and I knew this umbilical cord must be severed so I could be my own man again. I had learned a great deal from Dr. Gross about Natural Hygiene and myself, and I had enough knowledge of natural living to carry me through my day-to-day living when I returned to the proverbial rat race.

Part of the day was spent packing and saying goodbyes to the many friends I had made in the past two and one-half months. I took a long walk through the countryside. I wanted to be alone, to think. The mid-November air was a bit chilly, but I didn't mind. It was great to be alive, to have health, and to be in one piece. The way I was feeling then, there could have been rain, snow, or sleet and it wouldn't have made any difference. When you have health, you can cope with anything and there's nothing you can't do when there's a positive determination. When you are ill, everything tends toward negativism; but when you have vibrant health, you exude an aura of positiveness. You become positive in body, mind, `emotion, and spirit.

Dr. Gross came to my room about 6:00 p.m. and had a last minute chat with me. (My train was scheduled to depart from Rhinecliff, six miles away, at 8:00 p.m.) He advised me to get right back into the swing of things when I returned home. I was to return to Pawling Manor next year and for succeeding years for subsequent fasts until I reach a maximum of healing and a high level of health. Right now I would say I'm 50 percent to 60 percent better than when I first came here. It took many years to evolve disease and it would take a number of years to undo all the wrongs and evolve good health. There is no instant cure. Many people spend most of their lives and money seeking it, though; but it is not to be. You just cannot buy good health-you must earn it. You must work at it and build it; but it takes time, a little self-discipline, a little knowledge and understanding of the basic principles of natural living, and sometimes a perserverance that is unshakeable. There is no other investment one can make that will pay dividends as high. Dr. Gross also suggested I fast one or two days per week, say like Monday and Thursday. I was to keep in touch to report my progress or any problems as the need arises. (I have developed a rapport and a kinship with Bob and Joy Gross that will not only endure but will deepen as the years pass.) Time for leaving was almost here and Bob insisted he drive me to Rhinecliff to catch my train. This time I carried my own luggage; not like when I first arrived here and Joy had to carry my luggage and support me at the same time. Bob stayed with me, giving me some personal and confidential bits of advice until the train arrived. Bob and I shook hands. My eyes were beginning to tear and I couldn't say much. I didn't want to get emotional, but it was showing. I could only utter a simple, "Thank You!" Then I boarded the train.

I had taken a roomette again because I did enjoy the privacy and thought I might be able to get a good rest. The trip would take about 13 hours. I would arrive in Detroit at 9:00 a.m. I settled back and tried to keep my mind blank as I stared out the window into the night, but it was impossible. I tried reading and couldn't. Too many random thoughts darted in and out of my mind; thoughts of what was, what is, and what might be. I also had mixed emotions; I was depressed yet elated. But the closer I got to home, the more elation I felt.

A few hours later I felt hungry, so I reached for the snack bag Joy had given me. It was totally unlike the "last supper" I brought with me two and one-half months ago. This time there was a luscious variety of fresh fruit. It was after midnight when I pulled down the bed, jumped in, and tried to fall asleep. But my mind was so active I couldn't sleep, so I just looked out the window and watched the little towns pass in the night. I finally did get to sleep but it was a very sporadic sleep, the kind that leaves you groggy when you get up in the morning.

I awoke about 6:00 a.m. and couldn't fall back to .sleep. Too much anxiety. The same type of anxiety I experienced upon returning to the United States with the army after a tour of duty in Korea; a butterflies-in-the stomach feeling. But soon the feeling eased as my eyes caught a glimpse of the sun peeking up over the horizon. in the southeastern sky and I watched its glow illuminate the countryside.

(I didn't know it at this time-Corinne admitted to me years later-but she had a great fear of my returning. She was afraid of how I would look. This unknown factor kept her in a slightly tense state, but I had filled out enough to be able to pass for any human being.)

It wasn't long before the conductor came through and called off Detroit as the next stop. I gathered my luggage and moved to the front of the car. The train eased its way into the railroad yard and finally came to a stop in the station.

I juggled all my belongings, stepped off the train, and made my way hurriedly toward the gates inside the depot. I paused momentarily at the big iron gates, my heart pounding fiercely, and then stepped through into the beginning of a new life.



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